My life is not sad. I have not had a hard life. I was born in Togo, Africa until I turned 7 and my family moved back to the US because my mother had some medical issues. She became depressed and needed proper attention. Once in the US, we first lived in Chicago, then STL, then two different houses in a small town called Troy across the river from STL. After living in IL for a while, we moved to San Diego. My life in IL was pretty good. I had a group of friends I hung out with a lot and got into a bunch of trouble with them. I was the rebel in my group but my parents believed my friends were the bad influence.
As I was entering 8th grade we moved to CA and I was so excited to be by the coast and get a new start and meet new people. Little did I know, the people in my new school were all friends since basically birth. So I was a huge, silent, weird outcast for my whole 8th grade year. I reached serious depression at that time of my life. The only reason I did not poison myself was because my mom and I talked about how we both felt the same way at the time. I entered high school after moving from our temporary house to a house closer to my hs. High school was awesome. There were so many weird people and funny and motivating teachers! I even joined the swim and gymnastics team and then my senior year joined a freshman welcoming committee. I have always been an average, maybe even a little below average student but I work hard for what I earn. The start of my junior year, I started my first relationship. From that point on and for two years, my depression started again and reached new heights. At points I was full of euphoria and love and other points I just wanted to die. I cheated on him out of utter confusion of what I really wanted. I hurt him so much. Then I cheated on him one last time. I slept with another man. This was the last straw and he could no longer be with me. He loved me so much but knew that we should not be together because of ME. Because I am an emotional mess. In these two years I have been admitted to the hospital for serious suicidal thoughts. Then I tried therapy. Then I tried meds. I was not ready for love and I am paying for that now. I was so in love.. But I am glad he broke it off with me so that he can take care of himself and give himself a chance to actually be happy. Now where am I? I am laying here in bed, wondering if I hold another human inside of me because I want to please others. Wondering if my life is just going to keep testing me. I want to end this test. I have support but it is useless. I am considering that selfish act. I look for best ways to die and I really just want to go peacefully so that everyone can life happily without me. I just want to be forgotten. This is where I am at. This is where I am.
I am trying so hard to be who you want me to be. The happy, bubbly girl I used to be. But I just can’t be her.. Please just let me die.
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Suicide Methods and Suicide Statistics
Over one million people die by suicide every year worldwide vs. an estimated 10-20 million non-fatal attempts. The World Health Organization estimates that its the 13th leading cause of death worldwide. The National Safety Council rates it sixth leading cause of death in the United States and a leading cause of death among teenagers and adults under 35. Suicides are far higher in men than in women worldwide, three to four times more likely to kill themselves.
Perspectives for “I Want to Die” and other Suicidal Thoughts
Reasons To Live – Great Music Videos – have helped others
Suicide in Literature, the Bible